He shares this quote from a 48-year-old: “I are sorry for not being more adventurous … taking some time to take a trip, check out, and experience more of what the world has to provide. I let the worry of dissatisfaction rule me and enabled others expectations to be more vital than my own. I was constantly the great soldier and worked tough to please those around me. I have a good life– I just wish I had more experiences to show others. Someday …”.
” I must have worked harder in college. Achieving better grades would have permitted me to get a much better job, making more, quicker in my profession” (p. 92).
Four Types of Regrets.
► Foundation regrets come from a bad choice we made and on “our failures of foresight and conscientiousness” (pp. 85-86). As an example, Pink turns to Aesops story of the ant and the grasshopper.
Examined by Cathy Gassenheimer.
The Power of Remorse: How Looking Backward Moves Us ForwardBy Daniel Pink( Penguin Random House, 2022– Discover more).
Dan Pink divides the results of his research study into 4 classifications: fundamental, boldness, ethical, and connection.
► Boldness is sorry for occur when we were maybe too shy and stopped working to make the most of a chance that emerged. Pink notes that boldness is sorry for sound like “If just I d taken that danger” (p. 101).
The lesson behind foundation regrets? “Think ahead. Do the work. Start now” (p. 96).
Pink provides the story of 20th century super star Edith Piaf, whose song Je ne regrette rien (” I dont be sorry for anything”) didnt ring real, even to her. He relies on this story about Edith Piaf to share his thesis: “Regret doesnt simply make us human. (pp. 26-27).
Quick … think about a regret you have. Any remorses?
Imagination and motivation author Daniel Pink recommends that regrets can make us stronger. In his new book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, he eschews the concept that people can have no regrets and supplies stories to back up his claim.
A more current example from one of individuals surveyed read:.
Pink produced the American Regret Project to collect evidence for his book. Additionally, Pink launched this website which now has more than 19,000 regrets from people in 105 countries!
The solution to boldness is sorry for: “Speak up” or to quote a well-known hallmark: Just do it!
” I regret the truth that I despaired and strength in myself and cheated on my partner. I feel the regret every day” (p. 123).
Pink recommends that “instead of belittling or scolding ourselves throughout moments of frustration or failure, were much better off extending ourselves the same heat and understanding we d offer another person” (p. 174).
The lesson of moral remorses? “When in doubt, do the right thing” (p. 129).
► Moral remorses: Fortunately, Pink keeps in mind that ethical remorses number amongst the least recorded, representing around 10 percent of those regrets gathered. Moral regrets involve breaching our worth systems or playing against the rules of civil habits. Those regrets trigger us to believe, “If only I d done the best thing” (p. 115).
” If just” helps us consider future actions and, if possible, correct the damage done. “At least” helps us forgive ourselves and look for some silver lining because remorse. When I reflect on my regret about my father, I can truthfully say, “At least in the last five years of his life we connected in ways we had actually never ever done prior to and both he and I felt love.”.
As educators, I believe we have all remorses … about former students, colleagues, or paths not taken. Pink suggests that for all of those remorses– except perhaps the most abhorrent, and ideally none people have among those– we must practice self-compassion. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others.
If you have a remorse that sticks to you, reading this book may assist. And even if that isnt the case, youll discover some ideas and stories in the book worth sharing and considering with others. Believe me, you wont be sorry for reading it.
Pink suggests that reviewing a remorse provides the chance to act in a different way the next time. He recommends that utilizing the prompts “If just …” or “At least …” can assist.
The lesson here is “do much better next time … do something now … press beyond the awkwardness and connect” (p. 146). And, happily, after talking with Pink, the good friends reconnected and got back in touch!
Cathy Gassenheimer is an expert knowing expert specializing in collective adult knowing and collective efficacy. For 22 years she was Executive Vice President of the Alabama Best Practices Center, a program of Alabamas statewide business/community nonprofit A+ Education Partnership, and led the work of 3 statewide educator networks concentrated on teaching, leadership, and training coaching. Get in touch with her via LinkedIn and on Twitter @cathygassenheim
Pink uses the story of 20th century super star Edith Piaf, whose song Je ne regrette rien (” I do not regret anything”) didnt ring real, even to her. Pink created the American Regret Project to gather evidence for his book. Furthermore, Pink released this site which now has more than 19,000 remorses from individuals in 105 countries! ► Moral regrets: Fortunately, Pink notes that moral remorses number amongst the fewest taped, representing around 10 percent of those remorses collected. Pink recommends that for all of those regrets– except possibly the most abhorrent, and hopefully none of us have one of those– we must practice self-compassion.
He narrates a story of friends who, throughout the years, lost touch with each other. Now the friend who completed the study hesitates that its far too late to reconnect: “I regret not having that relationship in my life. Ive missed having another individual in my life who might share with me the kind of development Ive experienced over the years” (p. 132).
► Connection is sorry for: According to Pink, “connection remorses are the biggest category in the deep structure of human regrets” (p. 133).
One of the most valuable parts of the books is the categorization of these 4 regrets with ideas about how to conquer every one. Pink uses this chart on p. 150:.
Self-Compassion Is Key.
Confronting Our Regrets: If Only or At Least …